i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
