It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
