I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize