At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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