Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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