So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
