Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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