how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
