I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
