i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
