You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
