so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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