I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
