Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
