He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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