I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
