Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
