I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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