The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My friends, they love my intelligence
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
