You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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