Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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