you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
