he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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