when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
