Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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