I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
