why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
