I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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