CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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