There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't turn off my feet"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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