THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
