haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
