erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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