Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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