mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
