what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
