New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
