Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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