Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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