mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
