Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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