Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
