I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
