And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she smelled like a LAN party
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
