i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
