oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
