We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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