I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
