You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
