So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?