she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life