I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
