If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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