I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude