porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong