Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i believe in u and ur pee
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
