Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
