I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
