I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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