Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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