I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
