just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
