I hate all girls vehemently.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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