How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
