your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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