wat bout pragnant strippers??
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
