I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
