I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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