sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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