I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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