Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
