im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
