New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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