Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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