Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
