So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
